You Mean You Aren't? slash
by Alan wannabe
Summary: Denny finds that he needs to be more "gay" to keep the attention of a woman he finds riveting


You Mean You Aren't...? (slash)

The new client Shirley had assigned to Alan was one of the lovliest women Alan had ever seen. Of course, before he had even had her come into the office and sit down, Denny was in the hall nuzzling up to her, with his warm eyes and endearing quips. "What seems to be your problem, lovely lady, and how can I help you?"

"Denny," Alan said warmly taking his arm and turning him back to his office, "Shirley assigned Ms. Bridges to me..."

"Arlene, please", Ms Bridges corrected, smiling at Alan.

"But...uh, uh,uh" Denny stammered, "Are we sure she doesn't deserve a senior partner?"

"Now, Denny, I need to take you to see your doctor this afternoon. So, why don't you just relax and let me take care of this, then, we'll take off and get you there on time (4:00)?" Alan rubbed Denny's back and eased him down the hall toward his office.

Arlene stepped into Alan's office as he directed and seated herself as he indicated. "I love to see such concern between colleagues." she commented to no one in particular, when she got seated.

"Denny is very special to me, to us all," Alan explained. "He is the founding member of this firm. Now, what is your problem?"

"I am a fashion model,"Arlene explained. "and I want to get out of my current contract"

"It's easy to see why you have taken that direction with your career,"Alan said smoothly. "But now you have changed your mind?"

"I have specialized in cosmetics and hair all of my modeling career," Arlene explained, "But now my employer wants me to do apparel, as well"

"Is that a lesser career? Is it lower paying, or of less esteem?"

"The demands of apparel modeling are different, is all."

"I must admit that I am not familiar with the requirements of modeling," Alan confessed. "Beauty, of course, a lack of obvious blemishes, I would guess. How are the requirements different than those you already possess?"

"Apparel modeling requires a body of a certain style."

"I hope you will tell me how it differs from the style to which you are accustomed."

"I can be held to an unhealthy weight, or so my doctor tells me."

"I thought unhealthy weights are no longer required in the last twenty or so years."

"The modeling industry would like every one to believe that those requirements have lapsed.

Ultimately, the truth is that in order to get a prime modeling job, such as that to which I am accustomed, standards require a BMI of 18.0 or less. A woman of 6 feet, which is not uncommon in models would have to weigh probably no more than 135 pounds, for example."

Alan sucked n his breath. "Which would make her face probably a bit thin for the best display of cosmetics, I would guess."

"You put the problem precisely right!" Arlene smiled widely and nodded vigorously. She looked down at her wrist watch and looked up at him meaningfully.

Alan also checked the time, and thanked her for remembering his own obligation. "Well, it IS 3:45. I must thank you for reminding me of my obligations. Can we meet again tomorrow, perhaps a bit earlier?" he suggested.

"Of course, would 10 am be acceptable?" Arlene asked agreeably.

"Just let me check with my secretary to be sure that I've nothing previously scheduled." Alan requested, and dialed his secretary's number, then he asked about 10 am the next day, then nodded, and said, "The time is fine, if it is agreeable with you."

Alan showed her out of his office, and went to Denny's office where he found Denny waiting, rather impatiently for him.

"Well?"

"She is a model who doesn't want to be heroine chic, that's all."

"She wants to look like she does now, huh?"

"You got the picture, Denny. Can you believe that any one would want her to look any different?"

"No way!" Denny agreed enthusiastically. "Some one wants her to?"

Alan helped his friend to his feet and continued, "The modeling agency under whom she is contracted wants her to. So she wants to break the contract."

"Piece of cake, Alan. Cheesecake at that, no?"

"Every time I think that, I end up regretting it!"

But Arlene began to spend more and time around them both. Even Alan began to wonder what she found so interesting about 2 middle-aged men who mainly concentrated on each other. One day, when the three of them were on Denny's balcony he asked her, "What is so fascinating about us?"

She answered simply: "I find two men with such obvious love for each other incredibly fascinating!Ok, I guess some people would call me a fag hag!"

Denny jumped up in protest:"Oh no, I knew it was too good to be true! My dear we are not fags!"

"Well, you both do a pretty good impression of them! And I have pretty good gay-dar! As a matter of fact, I would not have taken my case to heterosexual male lawyers!"

Denny pointed at Alan. "He's the one with all the taste and appreciation of female do-dads!"

"Don't sell yourself short, Denny! As I remember, you have a pretty good appreciation of female doo-dads yourself."

"Yeah, but the male side of females!"

Alan smiled politely and tried to clarify: "He means the side of females of which he can take advantage!"

Arlene furrowed her brow, and explained herself: "I have had enough of men who want to take advantage of any side of females!"

"I'm afraid he's the one you want, dear, although he has had his day with female vulnerability as well!"

"I recognized the love and tenderness between you both, that's all I meant."

Alan made an attempt at explaining what she had seen: "I do love Denny and he loves me. But he resists any reference to sentimentality and tenderness, i.e.,. what one would refer to as homosexual love."

Arlene sighed and looked down into her hands. "But you are missing out on the most rewarding side of love, Denny."

"So I've been told, by his like!"

"Denny is just too old to admit any new point of view into his world-view. It's not like it's a religious thing, just stick-in-the-mud-ness."

"Who's too old?" Denny roared. "And who keeps telling me that I still have a good mind and an open one, too!" he glared at Alan. "You be a deviant, if you want too. I always knew you were. You would love sex with a hole in the ground!"

"I didn't mean to cause any tension between you lovers!" Arlene tried to mend the perceived rift.

"We know, we know that there are women who just prefer gay men to straight. To whom gay men feel more trustworthy and interested in that which interests them."

"Yeah," protested Denny, "as you are so fond of saying: Lees-bians.!"

"No," protested Alan, "straight women who naturally trust gay men!"

"That's true, Denny, some women have come to distrust heterosexual men, for many reasons!" Arlene struggled to enlighten him.

"But those women are unattractive and aloof! Not someone as stunning as you are!" Denny fought back.

Arlene had began to become annoyed. "And who are you, Rush Limbaugh?"

"I have enough sensitivity not to refer to any one as a femi-nazi!"

"And too little to sense the love in your lovers' eyes!"

Denny seemed momentarily stunned and looked at Alan with a wide-open eye gaze. "Alan?" he queried his partner.

"I do not want you to do anything which with you are not comfortable, love. Even if I do think you would enjoy it greatly!" Alan offered.

Denny sat staring out at the city for a short time. "Well, we do sleep together anyway; And that's his fault to start with. He is so perpetually horny, and prone to night terrors!" Denny had begun to feel anxious to please Arlene, although she was not his client, he luxuriated in her prescense. "Alan?" he wanted to know.

"Yes?'

"Do you think you can handle her case to her satisfaction?"

"Oh, no doubt!" Alan settled on the arm of Denny's seat.

"Well, then, I don't see any problem!" And Denny goosed Alan, making Alan cry out in surprise. The Denny slipped his arm around Alan's waist and hugged him tight. Alan warmed to Denny's expanse, and almost slipped down into his lap.

"I can see that I need no other lawyer," Arlene confided to them, and she walked back down the hall to Alan's office.

"See?" Denny questioned Alan. "You just have to know how to handle women, luv!"

Alan almost exploded in laughter, "What ever you say, dearest!"


End file.
